Men & women
ALL THAT GLITTERS

SHREEKANTH VERMA

A Tamil movie in the late sixties told the tale of a city-bred young girl in a skimpy dress (by prevailing standards) who returned to her rural home. Of course, there were the expected conflicts between sophistication and homeliness, comfort and rural contentment, the inevitable "east vs. west". Her maternal uncle (and inevitably her groom) had his own home-made principles which he firmly held on to. These were in stark contrast to the girl's "convent-educated western-lifestyle". 

Ultimately, after the groom "suffers in silence" for some time, slaps her a couple of times when neither suffering nor silence works and there is pressure from the family to curtail her wayward ways, the girl finally sees sense. Yes, she was wrong to doubt her man's rurally-rooted, unshakeable, uneducated-but-impeccable logic and principles. She must have been mad. She retracts and returns to his warm forgiving embrace and everyone applauds. 

In today's Tamil movie, you have a buxom heroine serenaded by a group of young suitors paying graphic homage to various parts of her anatomy. Since this is invariably done out in the open, right under the nose of an admiring public, real-life counterparts of these musical marauders see no reason why they shouldn't duplicate these efforts and try their own hand at wooing and winning. After all, cinema is a reflection of society and vice versa. And thus we have the roadside phenomenon known to many as eve-teasing. 

In Kavery Nambisan's "spicy" novel of a decadent Coorgi joint family, we have the males prancing about on horse-back, picking up women workers off the estate for a good time, of harassing and intimidating females in the family and generally living by the laws of their libido. It is only a quirk of fate that transfers the whip to the hands of a bride who then shows the world how different things could be. But even then, there is no doubt at all that she is merely standing-in for the actual master. Years later, softened by progressive western attitudes as well as nationalistic, anti-feudal wisdom, there has been a palpable change in the thinking of these men (and women), but deep down the truth still lingers: the man is the master! I have had any number of friends (including Kavery herself) tell me how close this is to real life.

In Kerala, there is an ingrained male arrogance, especially in the south of the state. It would be difficult to discover a girl who hasn't ever been teased, harassed or looked down upon by the males on her way to college. There is no safety anywhere. Buses, trains, places of worship, schools and colleges, cinemas, bus stops and shops - no place is proof against the eye of the baleful beholder, the tongue of the wicked wit. This is also reflected in Malayalam movies and TV programmes - women are meant to be subdued by their male masters! And this, in a place blessed by the advantages of a matriarchal society! 

What advantages? At the height of its matriarchal life, Kerala was still looking to the man for answers while the woman was but a titular head, a rubber stamp. Joint families respected the aunt, sister and mother, but listened to the uncle and the brother (though admittedly not the father!).

If you travel to the north of India things are even worse, so we won't labour the point. In fact, even so-called liberated families (whose life-styles are far removed from tradition) hold such deeply ingrained ideas of male superiority that they'd be genuinely surprised to have these tendencies pointed out to them. 

It is a part of life. The women stand around when the men are around. The women eat last. The women wait for a male opinion before taking a decision. The women can't live alone without male sanction or company. Even women who are away from their families, studying or working abroad, seek frantic male reassurance from father, brother, husband, whoever. And don't be under the impression that this is a purely Indian phenomenon. All around the world, in the most "progressive" circles, the MCP (or the male chauvinist phenomenon) is rife. It becomes evident in little gestures and dismissals and acts of resignation. It is politically acknowledged around the world (in fact, India is a lot better in the public arena than a lot of other countries). 
It has, unfortunately, become a fact of life.

It would take a lot more space than I have here to submit that were this not the case - were the two genders more balanced, were our attitudes different, were our political, sociological and personal equations more even, were man and woman seen as man and woman and not so much in terms of various relationships with the burden of their implications...

Were these things different, I submit that life would be more liveable. That there would be less poverty, more caring, less violence, more sharing. If I did have more space I'd probably have even tried to explain why I think so.

(The writer can be contacted at www.shreevarma.com)