At first glance -- heck, at second and third glance -- California Congressman Richard Pombo seems like an unlikely savior.  For years, Pombo has been the enemy of everything that walks, hops, swims, or flies.  He's worked endlessly to replace the Endangered Species Act with a law that would make it open season on anything that dared cross into private property.  To push his war on wildlife, he's told endless stories of his growing up on a ranch and how his "love for the land" compels him to make sure that people are free to make as big a mess as they want.

So just what could Wreckin' Richard do to secure a halo?  In this case, it's a matter of doing something so bad, that it's good.  

Cheney's accidental shooting of long-time friend Harry Whittington has come and gone. Likewise, the opportunity for Cheney to handle the situation in a forthcoming and timely manner has also come and gone. In its wake is left a White House internally conflicted.

As Bush and his aides struggle to gain control of their renegade vice president, Bush did his best to quash rumors of internal strife blossoming from Cheney's dubious post-shooting leadership by asserting that he "thought the vice president handled the issue just fine."

However, according to White House sources, Bush was being less than sincere.

"White House insiders tell US News Bulletin that Bush wasn't pleased with Cheney's four-day delay in going public, but Bush still values the Vice President's counsel and loyalty and he doesn't want to embarrass his Number Two publicly."

And according to The Situation Room:

"Senior Administration sources tell CNN not talking early on irritated the President and his top aides, who make no secret they believe confusion and stubbornness made a bad situation worse."

Particularly enraging for Bush was Cheney's overwhelming distraction from Bush's agenda and the augmented perception that Bush lacks control of his underlings.

Why Didn't Cheney Take a Blood Alcohol Test?

Why did Ranch Owner Katharine Armstrong say, "No one was drinking" alcohol only to have Cheney admit that he was indeed drinking beer?

Why did Cheney and Armstrong wait 14 hours to notify the police about an accidental shooting?

Why do drunks tend to delay reporting alcohol-related accidents to the police?

In Michigan, hunters are forced to take a blood-alcohol test in the event of a hunting accident. Not so in Texas -- not that it would matter 14 hours after the fact. Thus, no blood-alcohol test was administered to Vice President Dick Cheney.

No worries though. Local police have everything under control. According to Media watchdog Media Matters:

...media outlets have reported that law enforcement officials say that alcohol was not involved in the incident -- without noting that the officials are presumably relying on the word of Cheney and the others involved and without noting that interviewing the parties immediately after the incident would have presumably produced direct evidence on this question.

So, alcohol was not involved, eh? Did they ask Cheney about that -- because the Vice President seems to disagree:

Harry Whittington has suffered a heart attack believed to have been induced by the birdshot that penetrated his heart when Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot him while Quail hunting this past weekend.

According to Peter Banko, the hospital administrator at Christus Spohn Hospital Corpus Christi-Memorial, Whittington experienced the heart attack early this morning.

He said there was an irregularity in the heartbeat caused by a pellet, and doctors performed a cardiac catheterization.  Whittington expressed a desire to leave the hospital, but Banko said he would probably stay for another week.

Whittington had initially been placed in intensive care. He had been moved to a "step-down unit" Monday after doctors decided to leave several birdshot pellets lodged in his skin rather than try to remove them.

[...]

The wildlife department issued a report Monday that found the main factor contributing to the accident was a "hunter's judgment factor." No other secondary factors were found to have played a role.

"Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him... I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot."

-- James Brady: Founder of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence *

I suppose it's only natural that when the  gun-pumpin', lawyer-hatin', lowly-approved second-in-charge of the free world blasts his lawyer buddy, there's bound to be a heap o' jokes exploding off the net.



Nevertheless, before sharing some of the choice pickens, we should remember that a real human being was a vicitim here -- as is always the case with Trickless Dick's negligent actions.

So here's our non-partisan best wishes for a quick recovery to 78-year-old Harry Whittington of Austin, Texas who was forced to spend time in the intensive care unit at a Corpus Christi hospital.

Now we can proceed with a bit of Cheney-incompetence inspired satire from around the web...