1:1  This is the Revelation of a New Doctrine, which Double Ewe received from his base showing the things which must happen soon, which he sent and made known by his operatives to his servants on FOX,

1:2  Blessed is he who reads many news sources, and keep in mind the things that are written, for the time is at hand when events once uncovered are finally seeing the light of day.

1:3  I John Q.  Public, your brother and partner with you in oppression, empire, and faith in the Rule of Law, was on the isle called Gitmo because of the New Doctrine and the testimony of a Cowboy.  

1:4  I was trying to survive yet another day, when I heard behind me a loud voice, like a trumpet saying.