"When you wash a spoon and it wash you back."
My sweet summer child.
"Target Staples Aldi Dicks."
Ay dios mío!
"I used to comb my ass hairs with my sister's styling comb..."
Settle in. Get a snack.
Let us begin.
More dramatic than Romeo and Juliet.
"I think she is insatiable." *side eye*
I'd eat without hesitation. WITHOUT. HESITATION.
With added polls for your pleasure.
LMAO @ Jennifer Lawrence hopping over seats with her wine.
Very relatable.
Listen, I spend a lot of time on the internet.
Of course they're all funny, too.
*Technically* safe for work.
"Because I am a stone cold bitch." — S.E. Hinton
A pop quiz!
Are you more Aphrodite or Ares?
"I met Prince William ... and said 'Your grandma is on my money!'"
You don't have to share the pizza with the perfect boyfriend in this imaginary scenario.
"Outer space is my kink, it cosmanut."
Timing is everything!
Generation Z, this one's for you!
"If your Snapchat story is just one straight minute of you driving and singing along to a song, I’m showing your insurance company because honestly I’m tired of it."
LOL @ the kid using chopsticks to avoid Cheetos fingers.
Eggsellent. Just eggsellent.
It's a rough ride, but somebody's gotta take it.
There are only a few roles for women in mainstream movies. Which one will you play?
STOP.
So many Werther's Originals.
Please don't be cabbage.
"In honor of Rihanna's birthday you must block at least five men."
"What's the difference between falling in love and a crush? If they get a haircut and they're ugly, it's a crush."
"I don't like potatoes, can I substitute them for fries?"
LMAO @ the girl who bought a goat.
"A kiss makes your day but anal makes your hole weak."
Hey, at least your mom isn't watching you hump a stranger.
"I wanna hump that face..."
ASAP.
Catchin' z's, counting sheep, getting shut-eye...how do you do it?
It happens to all of us.
They really should give lessons on motherhood.
You can do it!
Times have definitely changed.
At least they tried?
CAN'T. HELP. IT.
Damn it, man.
Being stylish is hard.
"This is a well-oiled machine, the Kardashian machine...I’m going to stand real still in the corner, get me a good drink and not make too much noise."
