"I used to comb my ass hairs with my sister's styling comb..."
Oh my god.
"Love, Amy."
"I didn't take my daughter there for them to alter the way she looks because she is absolutely beautiful the way she is."
STOP.
ASAP.
"Congrats! It's a deer."
Try not to gag.
You know, for when you want the carpet to match the drapes.
Streaks overwhelm me.
"Alrightt fine you're knot beautiful."
Spoiler alert: There's a cowbell involved.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
It takes place when?!
Warning: disturbing content ahead I mean it do not say we didn't warn you.
HAIR IS NATURAL!
Hm.
OMG SHE TOTALLY LIKES HIM BACK.
Holy shit.
I'm so sorry.
Who knew?
"I talked my sister into climbing into the dryer and then turned it on for maybe five seconds. "
Presented without comment.
"My boss told me that to keep my job I needed to start putting Vaseline on my teeth for a beauty queen smile."
First of all, America.
Sorry in advance.
*Squeezes ketchup on scrambled eggs*
It was a great year for terrible things. This post is NSFW and NSFL.
My god.
"I had severe diarrhea during my wedding. While reading our vows, liquid poop started flowing out of me."
Incredible.
Everything is a lie.
Love is a strange thing.
*sets phone on fire* H/T str8boytexts
Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?
Common sense is not that common these days.
Deck the boobs with boughs of holly.
This won't be easy.
"I have to explain it to my kids first."
The dark side of humanity is all on the internet.
Hot damn.
Oh snap.
"They didn't even try."
"The officers told me how to make up an excuse to avoid being arrested."
Will you have a house full of kids?
A simple list.
They just couldn't see your genius.
Movie magic can be pretty dark.
It's-a me, Mario, and here's my dick.
Whether knowingly or not, you might be part of the problem.
