Is It Okay That My Boyfriend Overcharged Me For Rent And Pocketed The Balance, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists (and subreddits) addressed in recent days.
Is It Okay That My Boyfriend Lied To Me About How Much Our Rent Was And Profited Off My Contributions?
I moved into my boyfriend's mother's rental property with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. He told me that his mother was charging us $800/month for rent and utilities, so $400 for each of us, which is well below market rate. I was very happy about that, and every month, I sent my boyfriend $400 to give to his mom for my half of the rent.
Imagine my surprise when his mother mentioned to me that she was only charging us the cost of monthly utilities and upkeep, $200/month. I confirmed with her that she only intended for us to be paying $200/month and she said thats what my boyfriend had been paying her all along. Turns out that my boyfriend was using my money to pay his mother and then pocketing half of it, while contributing nothing himself.
I confronted my boyfriend about this and he didn't deny it, but said that since it was his [m]other's house, he could charge me whatever rent he wanted and this was essentially a "finder's fee" since it's only because of him that I'm paying way under market value. We NEVER discussed this arrangement before and I am livid. I told him that he needs to pay me back every cent of the extra $300 I was paying for the last year and a half. He said I'm being selfish and ungrateful because $400/month is much lower than what I would be paying if I lived alone and he can charge what he wants because it's his mother's house. Am I the asshole for not wanting to pay anymore?
Everyone on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit agrees that the boyfriend is the asshole. "I never advocate for couples to break up on this subreddit because we only get a snapshot of what goes on between a couple, but I'm making an exception for you," writes one commenter. Read the rest of their answers.
Is My Husband Right That I'm Being Too Picky Because I Don't Want Our Dog To Pee In Our Bed?
My husband and I got a new puppy when she was about 10 months old.
She likes sleeping on the bed with us, but sometimes jumps off and goes into her crate to sleep.
My husband is crazy about her and loves it when she sleeps/cuddles in bed.
Unfortunately, she leaks urine in the bed, soaking through the sheets and mattress pad — and I am now continuously washing bed linen. It smells terrible!
I washed everything yesterday, and this morning everything was soaked, stained and smelly again.
My husband says I am being too picky about things in the house.
Am I crazy that I don't want to sleep with the smell of dog urine?
Shouldn't our pup be crated at night?
Amy Dickinson observes that if the sheets and mattress pad are soaked, the dog is doing more than leaking urine. "Yes, you have the right to wake up in a urine-free bed," she writes. "Yes, your pup should sleep in her own bed." Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Put My Last Job On My Resumé After I Got Fired When My Boss Falsely Told His Wife We Had An Affair?
I quit my retail management job two years ago over work/life balance issues and started working as a private home chef for a wealthy married couple. Long story short, the wife caught the husband having an affair and rather than admit who it was with and have to stop seeing her, he lied that it was me! She fired me. He apologized to explain himself and tried to give me money, but I was furious and told him off. So I'm on my own now. I need to look for a new conventional job, but I have no idea what to say about this last position on my resume especially because I can't get a reference from them. But if I don't list it, then how do I account for the last two years?
Alison Green rules that the husband is a jerk and that it doesn't make sense to take the job off the letter writer's resumé. "Leave it on, and if employers ask about it, you can explain the couple's marriage imploded, you were caught in the crossfire despite being scrupulously professional, and the situation between them was so volatile that you wouldn't suggest them as a reference," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get My Nerdy Teen Daughter Interested In Activities Most Girls Would Be Interested In?
I'm afraid my 16-year-old daughter is missing out on the best parts of her youth. She's a good kid, gets good grades, but doesn't seem to have any friends, doesn't date, doesn't go to parties, football games or dances — nothing. Her entire life is focused on a blog she runs and the fan fiction she posts on another site.
I've checked her blog; it's okay, but nothing most girls would be interested in.
These are the years to have fun, learn social skills and build a good résumé for college. My daughter will have absolutely no extracurricular activities unless she writes about her Superman and Batman fan fiction. My husband and I have told her about all the fun she's missing — he played football and ran track, I was a cheerleader, in the theater club and never missed a dance — but she's just not interested. In anything.
We don't think she needs to be a cheerleader or an athlete, but we do think she needs to be involved in something. What should we do?
Carolyn Hax points out that the letter writer's daughter might have a huge community of online friends that her parents don't see. "She's also 16, not 6; she needs you to believe in her, not pick out friends for her," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Stop Myself From Falling In Love With The Sex Worker I Hire?
I'm in a bit of a quandary. I'm a middle-aged professional man who's been divorced over a year and a half now after a 20-year marriage. I live in a small town, my extended family lives far away, and there's not much opportunity to make friends. My support network is very limited. I've tried online dating and that's gotten me nowhere. So, because of loneliness and boredom, I sought out the services of a sex worker. I have now seen her many times, and she is amazing! When I'm with her, we seem to connect not just sexually, but emotionally as well. I do realize it is her job to make me feel good, but I have now developed feelings for her. I'm starting to get jealous, thinking of other people she sleeps with. I think about her day and night. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars on her, on gifts, vacations, etc. I'm trying to stanch these feelings, because I know that in the end this relationship is going nowhere. I'm trying to accept her for who she is, but these negative jealous feelings get in the way. I'm reluctant to stop seeing her, since she checks all my boxes and fulfills me on multiple levels. Can you give me suggestions on how to think of her as a Friend With Lovely Benefits, and not as a Fiancée in Waiting?
[Slate]
Rich Juzwiak encourages the letter writer to focus on the fact that the sex worker is, well, working. "She's not even your friend with benefits — you two are in business together," he writes. "I'm sure it feels uncontrollable, but your jealousy bespeaks a certain entitlement that I'm not into at all." Read the rest of his answer.
Why Can't I Call People 'Handsome' At Work?
When I was a teacher at a boarding school, we had an athletic director who liked to call students and faculty "tiger" or "handsome." He always felt that if he could say something nice to someone, he would do it, as that may be the only nice thing that person heard that day. He passed away a few years ago. As a nice memory and in admiration for his kind agenda, I like to call people handsome also.
A supervisor today — who I CC'ed on an email in which I called someone handsome — wrote an email back. I was told to "refrain from calling people handsome." I'm curious. What is wrong with the salutation? I'm clueless how this may be a bad thing.
Caity Weaver commends the letter writer's impulse to give compliments but recommends focusing on people's accomplishments rather than their appearance. "Flattery of physical traits (regardless of kindness-to-accuracy ratio) could be welcome; it could also leave a person feeling uncomfortably scrutinized," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
